


Take Up Our Quarrel

by Miko



Series: We Shall Keep The Faith [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Loss of Identity, Love Triangles, Memory Loss, Mind Manipulation, Oral Sex, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:57:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3929011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For decades, he's failed in his promise to protect Her. HYDRA hurt Her to get at him, and there was nothing he could do to stop them. Now She's been snatched right out from under him.</p><p>He's going to get Her back. And this time he'll keep Her safe, no matter the cost.</p><p> </p><p>This fic should be read in sequence with the rest of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It took the better part of a month of recon before he was confident he could get into the base unnoticed. He’d never had a job that needed more than a week of advance planning before, but this was different. These _people_ were different, special. The Avengers.

Most especially _him_. Captain America. He needed to avoid that one at all costs. He couldn’t afford the distraction.

Stealing a uniform wasn’t too difficult. The personnel areas for the rank and file were far less secure than the parts of the compound the Avengers spent time in. He snuck in just long enough to take somebody’s spare uniform from the laundry. He could have just killed one of the patrolling guards and taken theirs, of course, but the missing person would be noticed too quickly. He was going to need time for this; he couldn’t afford to be rushed.

Not if he wanted to make certain he got Her out safely. If they got into a firefight on the way out, he might not be able to protect Her.

He knew when She was taken, of course. He’d kept an eye on the base She was held at, returning at irregular intervals to check that She was still okay. He vaguely remembered that he’d gone AWOL on missions before, and they’d always taken Her out of safety to force him back so he could protect Her. This time they’d left Her alone, and he’d been content to let Her stay there as long as they continued to keep Her safe.

Then they had come. The Avengers. Rogers and Romanoff, specifically. He hadn’t been there at the time or he’d have stopped them, but he’d reviewed the security tapes. After he’d killed the remaining HYDRA staff, of course. They’d failed to protect Her.

He’d been contemplating allowing Rogers to catch up with him for months. He’d discovered a great deal about himself since the fall of the helicarriers, but there were still far too many gaps in what he knew. He’d just about accepted that he could really be this ‘Bucky’ person, and that meant Rogers was the one person on Earth outside of HYDRA who might be able to give him some answers. Plus Rogers and his friends had been systematically destroying HYDRA, which went a long way towards endearing them to him.

But then Rogers had taken Her. And that meant he was an enemy after all.

So he’d come here, to their base. And sure enough, there She’d been, wandering freely around the compound. Usually with Rogers, sometimes with Romanoff, and occasionally with the other new Avengers he didn’t know as much about. They weren’t doing a damned thing to protect Her.

He’d left the base She’d been kept at intact. All he had to do was spirit Her out of this place and take Her back there, and he could put Her back in the chamber where She’d be (trapped) safe.

That thought gave him pause. It had been a while since he’d heard that niggling little voice that tried to twist his thoughts around. It had faded over time as he regained more and more control of his own actions, but he’d learned early on that listening to it could be important. It was what had made him save Rogers from the river, and it was what had kept him from reporting back to his handlers after.

Was it worth listening to this time, as well? When he stopped to think about it, taking Her back to HYDRA did seem kind of stupid. They had hurt Her, after all, whenever they were angry with him. And they were going to be _very_ angry with him. Even if he managed to put Her back into safety without getting caught himself, they’d surely punish Her for leaving, too.

No. He wouldn’t allow that. He’d keep Her out of HYDRA’s hands, then. But he couldn’t leave Her here, either. He needed Her close by, so _he_ could keep Her safe.

And so She could sing to him. He thought it might be really nice to be able to have Her sing to him all the time, not just once in a very rare while. He missed the sound of Her voice, so much. It was the one thing that had made it difficult not to go back to his handlers.

So he stole the uniform, and waited until an early morning shift change when fog crept across the ground. He slipped inside the perimeter, sat in hiding while the incoming guards changed places with the outgoing ones, and joined the crowd heading back into the base.

He had one big advantage here, and that was the fact that this was a very new installation. In a well-established compound all the guards would know each other on sight, and he’d never have been able to get away with this. 

Once they were all inside most of them headed to the left, where the schematics he’d stolen said the mess hall was. A few others went to the right, towards the barracks, and one or two headed for the recreation areas. Those were the ones he followed, sticking his hands in his pockets and sauntering along towards the workout areas. The gyms the rank and file used weren’t the same as where the Avengers trained, but they bordered each other and were the weakest point in the security around the Avengers-specific areas.

He’d already obtained a keycard duplicate and fingerprints a week earlier, from one of the mid-ranked soldiers who’d gone to the nearest city for R&R. The man had never even known that the card went briefly missing, far too engaged with a whore to pay attention to anything else. With stolen HYDRA tech he’d used the fingerprints to create a thin glove that would fool the computer into thinking his right hand belonged to the man whose card it was.

With those items in hand, getting into the inner sanctum proved even easier than he’d hoped. He’d memorized the security schematics and was careful to keep his face turned away from any cameras, knowing they’d be running facial recognition programs. 

HYDRA had done a very thorough job of training him, and of updating his knowledge of modern weapons and security measures each time he came out of the ice. He was the best in the world at what he did - that was the whole point of him, after all.

She was in the gym, as he’d expected She would be. He’d kept track of Her movements whenever he could see Her over the last month, and Her schedule was fairly predictable. She rose with the sun and came down for a brief workout. Usually Rogers and/or Romanoff would join Her, but if they’d slept together the night before they were always a little later getting up. He’d confirmed just before slipping into position this morning that they were in the same bed, so he had about a ten-minute window.

When he came around a corner and finally saw Her, he had to stop for a moment and just stare. She was working up a sweat by going a few rounds with a heavy bag, dressed in tight-fitting workout clothes that hid nothing of Her figure despite covering Her whole body. Her dark hair was pulled up into a ponytail, swinging back and forth with the rhythm of Her movements, and the punches She landed were solid and strong. 

She was beautiful. Fuck, he loved Her so much it hurt sometimes, but it was a good kind of hurt.

He’d stood still too long. He’d meant to sneak up behind Her and knock Her out before She knew he was there, but as She danced around the bag She turned enough to catch sight of him. He quickly ducked his head so the uniform cap would hide his eyes and obscure his face.

“Is there something I can help you with?” She asked, head tilted. 

Shit, Her voice. He’d forgotten exactly what it sounded like, the sweet way it rolled off Her tongue, the clipped sounds of Her British accent. He could listen to Her all day. Better if She was singing, of course, but talking was good, too. 

“Are you all right?” She was coming closer now, and in a few more steps She was going to see him clearly. He had to make his move, now.

Ducking abruptly to one side, he called on the speed HYDRA had given him. She gasped and Her eyes widened, but She didn’t have a chance to move before he was behind Her, metal arm pinning both of Hers to Her sides and his hand over Her mouth. Sure enough She shouted in fear, but he successfully muffled the sound.

“Don’t scream,” he ordered, his voice low in Her ear. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m getting you out of here. I need to keep you safe.”

He could see that Her eyes were wide and She kept trying to turn Her head to get a better look at him. Slowly She nodded to show that She understood, and he cautiously withdrew his hand. He knew it was stupid, that he should just knock Her out and continue with his plan… but he wanted to hear Her talk to him again.

“Bucky,” She exclaimed. It hurt a little, the name, but he’d forced himself to get used to it when he’d realized it probably was in fact his. “How on Earth did you get... never mind. I _am_ safe. We both are. Let me go, please.”

“I’m getting you out of here,” he repeated firmly. “They stole you from the base.”

“Steve and Natasha didn’t steal me, they rescued me,” She insisted. “HYDRA used to hurt me, remember? They’d use me to punish you. I was _never_ safe there, Bucky. Not even in the ice.”

“I know,” he admitted, voice gruff. “I failed you. I’m sorry. But I won’t fail this time. I’ll protect you, not HYDRA. I’ll keep you safe.”

“The safest place we can be is right here.” She managed to wiggle one arm free enough to bend Her elbow and touch Her hand to his arm. His metal arm, but they’d improved it a lot over the decades, and he could feel almost as well with it now as his flesh one. Hell, anywhere She wanted to touch him was okay with him. She had never hurt him. Never, not once. Not even when they’d hurt Her, and She’d have had every reason to blame him.

“They’re using you to catch me, just like HYDRA always did. Come with me willingly or I’ll knock you out, but we _are_ getting out of here.” Once they were somewhere safe, he’d talk to Her about what to do next. He didn’t want Her to feel like he was keeping Her trapped, so he’d listen to what She wanted, too, but right now She didn’t know what She was saying and he didn’t have time to argue with Her.

“Damn it,” She muttered, then raised Her voice before he realized what She was doing. “Steve!”

Swearing viciously in Russian, he clamped his hand over Her mouth again. Too late, the damage was done. Undoubtedly the computer had been instructed to relay any call for help from Her immediately. Rogers and Romanoff would come charging down, and it was less than two minutes between their quarters and here at a run. 

“I’m sorry,” he told Her as he shifted his hand to cover Her nose as well and cut off Her air. “You should have listened, I warned you. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

She struggled hard, kicking and scratching at him, but nothing She could do would be enough to stop him. He was already moving, dragging Her towards the door that led to the service hall. He needed to get Her to the laundry, where he could use one of the big duffels to hide Her body as he carried it out. Nobody would think there was a person inside, when they saw him lift it like it weighed nothing.

The door at the other end of the room crashed open, and Rogers came bursting in at a run. He wore only a pair of sweatpants, his tousled hair and the shallow scratches on his chest and arms attesting to what he’d been up to a moment before, but his gaze had the focus of a laser as he zeroed in on the pair of them and skidded to a halt. “Bucky! Let her go.”

Fuck. His plan had depended on being able to knock Her out without a chance for Her to resist or call for help. He never should have let himself get distracted, no matter how badly he wanted to hear Her voice. He had backup plans, but none of them were anything close to optimal. This place was too damned well guarded for there to be many good options.

He shifted his hand from Her face to Her shoulder, not wanting to risk suffocating Her instead of putting Her to sleep because he was distracted and hung on too long. “No,” he snarled. “You _stole_ Her. I won’t let you or anyone else have Her. _I’ll_ protect Her!”

She was panting for air in ragged gasps, but Her voice was soft and coaxing when She spoke. “Bucky, it’s all right. I’m telling you, everything is fine, we’re safe _here_. The only one in danger of hurting me right now is you!”

“We’re not threatening her or you,” Rogers said. He was struggling to keep his voice as light as Hers, but the muscles in his body were so tight from tension you could bounce a coin off him.

“Liar.” He glanced to one side, at the same service door he’d been heading for. “How is aiming a gun at my head not threatening?”

“Nobody’s aiming a gun at you!” Rogers said, but Romanoff’s voice broke in before he could get any further.

“Actually...” Romanoff stepped through the door, looking straight at him. She was just as dishevelled as Rogers, though somewhat more clothed, but she had guns in both hands. “I should have realized you’d know I was there, Barnes.”

“Damn it, Natasha. We agreed no weapons!” Rogers sounded disgruntled.

“No, _you_ agreed no weapons,” Romanoff retorted, voice too sweet. “And I decided to be the backup plan.”

“If everyone will just _calm down_ for a moment,” She said, Her tone impatient. “Perhaps we can in fact solve this without violence? Natasha, put the guns down.”

“That’s not a good idea,” Romanoff insisted. “I know you think he won’t hurt you, but it’s been decades since you really interacted with him, and you don’t know what HYDRA’s done to him in the meantime. If he could shoot Steve, he could hurt you.”

Almost too late, he realized they weren’t really arguing at all - they were trying to distract him with words and posturing. Rogers had been slowly edging to one side, trying to get him into a position where he wouldn’t be able to see both Rogers and Romanoff at the same time, and She would be out of the line of fire. Romanoff would shoot and Rogers would lunge in to snatch Her away, and then he’d never be able to save Her.

Spinning to the side, he took three quick steps and put his back into a corner, dragging Her along with him. Now they wouldn’t be able to flank him properly, and Romanoff couldn’t get a good shot at him without risking hurting Her as well. In the distance he could hear more running footsteps, presumably the rest of the Avengers and security staff converging on the emergency.

He was rapidly running out of options. They had him boxed in, there was no way he was going to get out of here with Her. Unless he could use Her as a hostage to force them. And if not… he wasn’t going to let Her stay in enemy hands, ever again. 

Dropping the hand at Her shoulder, he whipped the long knife out of the sheath on his thigh and pressed it tight against Her ribs. Everyone else froze immediately. “You’re going to let us walk out of here,” he growled at Rogers. “Back away.”

“You won’t hurt me,” She declared, but the stiff way She was holding Herself said She wasn’t as convinced of that as She wanted to sound.

“You’ve been suffering all this time because I couldn’t bring myself to kill you once before,” he replied, certain of the words even if he couldn’t quite recall the memory that prompted them. “I won’t let you suffer again. If I can’t protect you, I can at least make sure nobody else can hurt you.”

“You don’t want to do this, Barnes.” Romanoff was holding her guns up and away from him now, fingers spread to show she wasn’t anywhere near the triggers, but she hadn’t dropped them. He knew how fast she could move, and she’d have them aimed at him again the instant he let his guard down.

“Bucky, please,” Rogers said, his voice anguished. “I can’t let you leave with her. _Please_ don’t make me choose between you.” He sounded like he had on the bridge of the helicarrier, when he’d begged for them not to have to fight, only worse. Like his heart was being torn out and stomped on. 

He knew what that felt like. It was how he’d felt every time they’d hurt Her because of him. He would _never_ let that happen again, even if it meant hurting Her one last time himself.

But something stayed his hand when he would have plunged the knife into Her. The sound was so soft at first, it took his conscious mind a moment to identify what his subconscious had already heard – music.

She was singing. 

Now it was his turn to freeze, wildly conflicting impulses locking him in place, unable to decide which one he was supposed to follow. She was singing, the same song She always sang when he’d done especially well, and they brought Her out so he could see Her, be with Her, for a little while.

She only sang when everything was okay, when they were alone together and HYDRA wasn’t going to hurt them. He _knew_ they weren’t safe, here and now, but the way Her voice wove a spell around him made him want to believe they were.

He didn’t realize his grip on Her had loosened until She turned in his arms, Her hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. The knife clattered as it hit the floor, and he lifted his hands in turn to cup Her face and tilt it up towards him. She met his eyes steadily, Her expression soft and reassuring. 

“Smart girl,” Romanoff murmured to Rogers. “He’s conditioned to respond to that sound in a positive way.”

“You know he can hear you no matter how quiet you are, right?” Rogers answered, not bothering to keep his voice down.

“Oh. Right.” Romanoff sounded sheepish. He knew he should look over at them, evaluate what they were doing now and the current threat level they presented, but he didn’t want to take his eyes off Her.

When She finished the song She didn’t start a new one, but She didn’t move away from him, either. His heart rate was slow, all traces of adrenalin gone from his system, his mind quiet and calm for the first time in far too long. And that was wrong, dangerous, but he couldn’t fight the effect She had on him. Didn’t want to fight it.

“Why?” His voice was a rasp, hardly recognizable as human, and he could only get the one word out. 

“Do you trust me?” Her voice was gentle, but he could hear steel beneath the words. 

“Always.” It was the only answer he could give. Of course he trusted Her, She was his everything. She was the only one who never hurt him, never turned on him, no matter what he did. 

“Then _trust_ me,” she emphasized. “We are safe here. I promise you.”

Reluctantly he tore his eyes away from her to look over at the other two. Romanoff had moved to stand beside Rogers, and she’d left her guns lying on the floor where she _had_ been, which meant he was now between her and them. It was a huge gesture, especially since her hastily thrown on clothes made it clear she wasn’t carrying any other weapons.

Rogers was a weapon in and of himself, of course, but he hadn’t brought his shield and he was standing by the main door, holding it closed. Not to prevent escape, but to stop anyone else from coming in. Their reinforcements were right outside the door, but again, it was a gesture. 

When Rogers saw he was looking, the other man locked eyes with him. “No one here is a threat to you, or to her. I will die before I let anyone hurt her, Buck – even you.”

Since that was pretty much his own sentiment at the moment, the sincerity of the statement struck a chord inside him. He nodded, not quite able to believe completely but at least willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Only because She said so.

“If you make me regret this, I’ll make you regret it ten times as much,” he warned. 

“I’ll stand there and let you take it out of me if she gets hurt,” Rogers promised. “I’d deserve it. Stand down, Bucky.”

“Let us help you,” She added, catching his hands in Hers and drawing them down, away from Her face, so they could clasp hands in the space between them. “Please, darling.”

She called him that sometimes, in those rare moments of peace HYDRA allowed them to have. It always made his chest burn in a way that was somehow both good and bad. “I love you,” he told Her. He didn’t always remember to say the words when he had the chance – didn’t always remember what they meant, even. But he never stopped feeling that burn, even when he didn’t understand the feelings.

Letting go of his hands, She stepped right up against him and wrapped one arm around his chest, the other coming up to hold the back of his neck. His arms went around Her waist in return, clutching Her to him. “We’re together now, and HYDRA will never have either of us ever again,” She said, Her voice fierce. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, either.”

That felt right, in an indefinable way. He’d protect Her, and She’d protect him, and that was the way it should be.

Looking over Her shoulder at Rogers, seeing the promise the other man had made him written in his expression, it occurred to him that it might not be such a bad thing to have other people trying to protect Her, too. 

“All right,” he gave in, because there really wasn’t anything else he could do. It wasn’t as if he _wanted_ to kill Her. “Now what?” If they suggested that he leave Her, tried to separate them, he’d know they weren’t being genuine. 

Rogers just smiled at him. Not a happy smile; a dark one, full of grim resolution and determination. “Now, we bring in a witch.”


	2. Chapter 2

“...just saying that we need to consider the safety of everyone on the base, Steve, and the situation is...”

“What part of ‘absolutely not’ wasn’t clear enough for you, Hill?” Steve asked the head of operations, breaking into the litany that she obviously wasn’t planning to end any time soon. She was trying to wear him down with logic, and it wasn’t as if he could argue with anything she was saying. But his answer was not going to change. 

“Look, Rogers, we get that you’re trying to help your friend, but don’t you think you might be just a little biased here?” Rhodes asked. He and Sam were flanking Hill, and behind them were half a dozen security personnel. The latter were all crowded near the door, casting nervous glances between Steve blocking their way and Bucky in the corner of the gym behind him.

Steve was uncomfortably aware that he was having this argument dressed in nothing but a pair of sweats and looking like he’d just come from a round of very athletic sex. Because, well, he _had_ , but when the computer relayed Peggy’s frantic call he hadn’t been willing to stop and put on his uniform. Hell, he’d only barely remembered to snatch up the pants first.

He refused to allow his discomfort to show in his voice or on his face, however. Even if Sam was biting his lip in a way that suggested he was trying not to laugh, and Hill’s eyes kept flicking to his right shoulder where he was pretty sure there was a visible bite mark. His embarrassment was not the matter up for discussion - though he was certain it would be, later.

“Under no circumstances are we locking Bucky up,” he repeated his earlier assertion with more force behind the words. “This is not a democracy, and that is an _order_ , damn it. Or am I not actually in charge of this base after all?”

He stared Hill down, and she was the first to look away. “We’re not the enemy here, Steve.”

“Neither is Bucky.” Movement to the left drew his attention, and Steve glanced over to see Natasha slip inside the gym. She’d left the moment he opened the door to allow their reinforcements in, presumably to fetch Wanda. He’d been trying to convince everyone that he had the situation in hand and they could all leave ever since.

Pausing in the doorway, Natasha surveyed the room in a quick glance, then frowned sharply at Steve for no reason he could determine. “All right,” she announced in a voice that would have done his old drill sergeant proud. “Everyone who hasn’t personally known Barnes for more than the last five minutes, _out_.”

When it looked like Hill was going to turn to argue with _her_ , Natasha just pointed an imperious finger at the door. The security guards fled first, and they looked grateful to have been given permission to remove themselves. Sam and Rhodes went next, and finally Hill sighed and left as well. 

“Not you,” Natasha said to someone still out in the hall. Wanda, he assumed. “Just stay here for a minute, I’ll call you in when we’re ready.” She closed the door firmly, then tossed a t-shirt at Steve. He pulled it on, trying not to be too obviously grateful. 

Then he turned to look at his friend, and suddenly he understood why Natasha had given him the evil eye. Bucky had shoved Peggy into the corner and placed himself between her and the rest of the room like a human shield. His hands were clenched in tight fists, and Steve was pretty sure the only reason Bucky hadn’t drawn a weapon was because Peggy had locked both hands around his right wrist and was leaning hard against his back. His eyes were wild, his expression just this side of a snarl, and he looked like he was about an inch from committing mass murder.

Small wonder the guards had been giving him nervous glances, and had seemed so happy to flee.

“Hell, Bucky,” Steve exclaimed, dismayed. “You should have said something, I’d have pushed them out into the hall physically if I had to.” He felt bad for not realizing that the crowd of nervous, hostile, and well-armed people would hardly put his friend at ease.

“I’m fine,” Bucky snapped. It was clear that he didn’t want to admit to any weakness, but the way his shoulders were dropping and his breathing slowing proved that he was only now calming down again. Any benefit of relaxation from Peggy’s earlier singing was long gone.

“I’m sure you were, but _I_ was getting rather claustrophobic with all those people in here,” Peggy put in. She shifted her grip on Bucky’s wrist so she was only holding him with one hand, her fingertips curled into his palm and tucked under the edge of his fingers. Steve realized it was as close as she dared get to holding Bucky’s hand, for fear he would crush her from sheer tension.

She used her freed hand to nudge at Bucky, and after a moment he sighed and took a step to one side. He was still partially between her and the rest of the room, but now she could look at Steve and Natasha without having to peer around Bucky’s shoulder.

Seeing the way Bucky was so damned determined to protect Peggy from any danger made Steve’s heart ache. Peggy had only told him a little of how HYDRA had used her to hurt Bucky, but it was small wonder the other man regarded everything and everyone as a potential threat to the woman he loved. 

And he did love her, that was obvious. Broken Bucky might be, but the way he’d looked at Peggy when she sang to him left no doubt in Steve’s mind. HYDRA had twisted the emotion around for their own use, but at least it meant they hadn’t destroyed Bucky’s ability to love entirely.

Steve told himself he was glad, and he was. He really was, because he wanted to see both of them happy and the best chance either of them had for that was in each other. But it still hurt, God it hurt, to watch Peggy look at Bucky with the same fierce protectiveness Bucky showed towards her, to see her focused so completely on his best friend.

Natasha was giving Bucky a level look, somehow managing to meet his eyes without any suggestion of aggression. Steve thought it might have something to do with the way she’d canted her head to open up the line of her throat, but there were probably a dozen other tiny cues as well. She was a master at body language. 

“Can you handle having one more person in here, Barnes?” she asked. “She’s the one we mentioned, and we believe she might be able to help you. But if you need more time, just tell us and Steve and I will clear out as well.”

Staring back at her, Bucky narrowed his eyes and appeared to consider it. “What exactly is it you think she can do for me?”

“She can manipulate minds,” Steve put in, trying to choose his words carefully because he knew how badly his friend was likely to react. Sure enough, Bucky went tense again, edging a little closer towards Peggy. “We think she can help bring back your memories, maybe even erase some of the conditioning HYDRA did on you.”

“What the _fuck_ makes you think I want anyone inside my head, ever again?” Bucky snarled. “You just want to take me apart and put me back together again the way _you_ want me to be, just like HYDRA did.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Natasha stopped him with a raised hand. She never looked away from Bucky, letting his anger wash over her without affecting her outward calm. Steve knew her well enough to be pretty certain ‘calm’ was the last thing she was actually feeling, but even he couldn’t tell by looking.

“I know what it’s like to have someone crawl inside you and pick you to pieces,” she said, her voice low and soft, but fully of intensity. “I know what it’s like not to be able to tell which thoughts are yours and which thoughts are theirs, until you’re pretty sure none of the thoughts are yours at all. I know what it's like to be unmade. And yes, Maximoff could do that to you. She could do a better job of breaking you than HYDRA ever did, and she'd do it in an instant. She could remake you from scratch and you wouldn’t even know she’d done it.”

To Steve’s shock, her blunt words made Bucky ease up again, his expression going from furious to merely wary. Steve would have expected the admission that Wanda could do those things to make Bucky _more_ angry, not less.

Then again, maybe it just reassured him that they weren’t lying to him, trying to sugar-coat things to trick him into agreeing. Natasha obviously knew what she was doing, so Steve decided to step back and let her do the job she was good at.

“I need you to trust me, trust Steve, trust _Peggy_ when we say that she won’t,” Natasha continued, still in that same even tone. “That she will only help you. I promise we won’t let her near you until you say you’re all right with this.”

“And if I say no? Then you’ll lock me up ‘for everyone’s safety’?” Bucky demanded, proving that while he might have looked panicked, he’d been paying attention to the arguments everyone was having with Steve.

“Bucky, you can walk out of here right this minute and nobody will stop you, or I’ll have their heads,” Steve promised him. “I can’t let you take Peggy, but you’re free to go if that’s what you want.” He smiled a little. “Don’t think it means I’ll stop chasing you, though. I’m not giving up on you, ever.”

“At least let her check to see if she can get rid of your command protocols,” Natasha said, and Bucky’s attention snapped back to her like she’d said the magic words. “I know you’ve been ghosting around the edges of the HYDRA bases, and I know it’s because you’re afraid someone will have your codes and be able to recapture you.”

“You’d never have to worry again about someone doing what Zola did, and turning you against us,” Peggy added, squeezing his wrist. “Please, Bucky.”

“She can do that?” Bucky switched his stare from Natasha to Peggy, then to Steve, then back to Natasha. He’d apparently decided that she was the most reliable source of information.

“We don’t know for certain, but we think there’s a pretty good chance,” Natasha admitted. “Is it worth enough to you to try?”

“ _Fuck_ , yes,” Bucky breathed out. “You swear she won’t put anything _in_ me?”

“My word of honour, Buck.” Steve let his expression show his absolute sincerity, and he met Bucky’s eyes steadily when the other man looked at him again. 

With an explosive sigh, Bucky nodded. “Bring her in.”

Moving to the door, Natasha held it open just enough for Wanda to slip through. The Enhanced woman’s eyes were already glowing, and she looked like she was in pain. “I could feel from the hall what they’ve done to you,” she whispered, staring at Bucky with a mixture of horror and pity. “It makes what Strucker put my brother and I through seem like nothing.”

“Can you fix me?” Bucky demanded.

“Fix you? No.” Wanda shook her head regretfully. “I can’t erase what they’ve done. You will always carry the scars. But I can maybe bring back the pieces they tried to make you forget, and allow you to start to heal.”

Again, the honesty seemed to reassure Bucky. “What do I have to do?”

“This will likely hurt,” Wanda warned him. She glanced at Peggy. “It’s not like with you, when I was only looking to see what they had done, and found nothing. He should probably be restrained.”

“Absolutely not,” Peggy said, her voice as firm as Steve’s had been earlier when he’d said the same words to the suggestion that they lock Bucky up. “That’s what HYDRA would do, strap him to a table and tear apart his mind. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would induce a flashback faster.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Bucky said, looking down at his own clenched fists. “If I lash out... no. She’s right, you’d better tie me down.”

“What if we have Steve hold you instead?” Natasha suggested. “He’s strong enough to keep you pinned. He might take a little damage, but...”

“But I’ll happily endure any amount of pain if it will help you, Bucky,” Steve put in immediately. “I’d just be glad to be able to help.”

In the end they settled with Bucky kneeling on a practice mat, Steve behind him with his knees on either side of Bucky’s and his legs crossed over his friend’s, holding them in place. He caught Bucky’s metal arm in a tight lock behind his back with one hand, the other crossed over Bucky’s chest to grip his right wrist as well. If worse came to worst, Steve could shift the arm he had in front to a choke hold and knock Bucky out.

He could feel how painfully tense Bucky was, muscles strung wire tight until Steve half expected them to tear free of the bones entirely. Bucky’s heart was pounding so hard and fast Steve could feel it shaking his chest, and he wished there was something he could do to make this easier on his friend.

Natasha offered a mouth guard to Bucky. That made him tense up _more_ , as impossible as that seemed. Bucky turned his head to cast a frantic look at Peggy, who nodded in encouragement. Reluctantly Bucky let Natasha insert the guard to keep him from shattering his own teeth if he convulsed.

Only when Bucky nodded again to show he was ready did Wanda approach. She held her hands on either side of Bucky’s head, fingers making little movements like she was drawing strings out of him, and Steve saw the first wisps of her power gathering.

For a moment nothing happened, though tension hung thick in the air. Then Bucky went rigid and started to whimper faintly, and Wanda made a pained sound as well. Steve knew she could see what went through the minds she touched, but it hadn’t occurred to him that what hurt Bucky might cause her pain too.

Abruptly Bucky convulsed in his arms like he’d been shocked with electricity and started screaming. It was everything Steve could do just to hold him in place. He wished desperately that he could have clapped his hands over his ears instead, anything to block out the feral, heart-rending sound of Bucky’s agony.

Peggy had both hands over her mouth, eyes watering. Natasha stepped up beside her and put a hand on her arm, and Peggy turned to hide her face against the other woman’s shoulder. Wanda was panting sharply, but at least she wasn’t screaming too. 

Grimly Steve hung on, afraid that his grip might literally be the only thing holding Bucky together and preventing the spasms from tearing him apart. As the screaming went on and on, all Steve could do was pray that it would be worth it in the end - and that they weren’t destroying what little was left of his best friend instead.


	3. Chapter 3

They were tearing him apart from the inside out, ripping his mind to shreds and destroying what little of him was left so they could replace it with what they wanted him to be. He swore it got worse every damned time. 

It hurt, oh _God_ it hurt so bad. But the physical agony wasn’t even the worst part. No, the worst part was knowing that it meant they had something else they needed him to do, something else to put in his head to make him the perfect weapon for them.

It was fire and brimstone pouring through him, a living Hell worse than anything the Devil could ever throw at him. Assuming this wasn’t, in fact, Hell. Sometimes he wondered if he really had died on that mountainside, and this was his punishment for his mortal sins.

Surely even a vengeful God wouldn’t be _this_ cruel.

It burned, it burned, it was burning him up and this time he was _sure_ there would be nothing left of him but ashes…

And then it was over.

Bucky hung limply from his restraints, panting desperately for air and trying to sort through all the shit that had been shoved into his mind this time. He spat the mouth guard out to make it easier to breathe. The bone-deep ache in his muscles said this had been one of the really bad times, when they’d kept him in the machine too long.

Only, he wasn’t in the machine. He was kneeling on the floor, and he could feel someone behind him, pinning him tightly. He pried his eyes open, staring blearily around him to try to understand what was happening. 

There was a woman kneeling in front of him, a woman in red. She was crying, sobbing, her hands pressed to her head and… were her eyes glowing? “No more,” she said, pleaded. Bucky knew that tone, those words. He’d said them exactly that way too many times himself. 

“What…” he rasped out, and coughed as his much-abused throat protested. He tasted blood, but that was normal after a session in the machine. 

“Bucky?” someone, a different woman, said tentatively. It shocked him, because they _never_ used his name, and would punish him harshly if he ever said it. Was it a test?

He forced his eyes to focus properly, and saw two more women behind the first. One of them, the redhead, he recognized vaguely. Natasha Romanoff. She’d been a target at one point, along with…

Bucky’s mind shied away from the end of that thought, reflexively avoiding the pain his subconscious knew would come with it. He didn’t have time to wonder why, because his attention was suddenly and completely on the third woman.

“Peggy?”

Her face lit up, though there were tears in her eyes and stains on her cheeks that suggested she’d been crying just moments ago. “Yes, that’s right,” she said in a tone of encouragement. “You remember?”

Everything came crashing down on him all at once. He’d gone after her, she’d tried to save him, and HYDRA had captured them both. They’d hurt her so bad, tortured her in front of him, just to punish him. But she’d never given up on him, never stopped looking at him with love in her eyes, never turned against him.

Briefly he struggled against the person holding him, but whoever it was let him go with surprising speed. Bucky pushed to his feet and staggered over to Peggy, shaky in the aftermath of agony but unwilling to spend another moment separated from her.

He gathered her up in a tight hug, burying his face in her hair and just breathing deeply of her familiar scent. She smelled _good_ , clean and fresh. Usually when HYDRA let him see her she smelled of chemicals and frost. Bucky wasn’t sure what the Hell was going on, but if it meant he could hold Peggy like this he decided he didn’t really care.

Her grip on him was just as tight, and he could hear her sniffling into his shoulder, trying hard not to cry. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “Peggy, God, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t protect you, I couldn’t stop them. I tried, I swear I tried.”

“I know, darling,” she assured him, her voice just as rough as his. “I know you did.”

“Bucky?”

That was another familiar voice, male this time. Impossibly familiar. Stunned, Bucky lifted his head and stared over Peggy’s shoulder. Another cascade of memories slammed into him, and he shuddered in her arms as he struggled to process it all.

They’d sent him after two targets – that was where he knew Romanoff from, because she’d been working with _him_. Captain America. Bucky had done his level best to kill them both, but then… then Steve had recognized him. Called his name. And triggered something inside him, the tiny hint of Bucky that still remained inside the Winter Soldier. 

They’d tried again to erase his best friend from his mind, but that tiny stubborn self had hung on, and somehow triumphed in the end. He’d run away from HYDRA. He’d run, and they’d stolen Her… her, Peggy, they’d _rescued_ her from the base. Steve had. And brought her here, to the Avengers. 

Steve was staring back at him like he was trying not to get his hopes up, and failing miserably. Bucky had a horrible suspicion that he wasn’t even recalling everything he’d done to his friend, but Steve looked like he was willing to forgive and forget all of it if only Bucky really remembered him.

“ _Steve?_ ” Bucky flinched even as he said it, conditioned pain jolting through him in response to the forbidden name, but he couldn’t _not_ say it.

Not when the impossible was standing right there in front of him. His best friend was alive.

“Holy shit, it worked,” Steve breathed out. He crossed the space between them, Peggy let go of Bucky with one arm, and then all three of them were wrapped around each other, clinging fiercely. 

None of them said anything; the moment was far too profound for mere words. Bucky wasn’t ashamed to admit that he wept openly, though he kept feeling like his handlers would descend on him at any moment to punish him for it. For _all_ of it, because this was surely a dream he would wake from in the next few seconds. 

“How much do you remember?” Peggy finally asked him. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy, and she’d never looked more beautiful because the radiant joy in her expression more than outweighed the rest.

“Not everything,” he admitted. “Not even most of it, I don’t think. Scattered bits and pieces and a lot of it I can’t connect to anything. But I feel like I can fucking think clearly for the first time in… forever.”

Pulling away from his loved ones at last, he turned to the remaining people in the room. Romanoff was helping the other woman to stand; she looked at least as shaky on her feet as Bucky felt. “You did this,” he said in a tone of wonder. “You did this to me. _For_ me.”

“It’s not permanent,” she – Wanda, he thought her name was – said. She sounded reluctant, regretful, and her words stabbed right through him. “I can’t fix everything. I can’t even help with most of it all at once. It’s… too much.”

She’d been crying when he opened his eyes, and she looked as bad as he felt now. Bucky didn’t really understand just what the Hell she’d done, but obviously it had affected her as much as him. He couldn’t blame her for not wanting to stay in his head. He knew exactly how bad it was in there, after all.

“How long?” he asked. Every moment she could give him was precious, no matter how brief. But his priorities would change drastically depending on whether he had a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days.

“If nothing triggers you before then, probably until you sleep,” she replied. 

Well, that was better than he’d feared, if not as good as he’d hoped. “So, what, I need to go through that every day? I need to put _you_ through that?”

“It will be easier each time, and last longer, I think.” She shrugged and spread her hands in an uncertain gesture. The movement made it obvious how much she was still shaking. “The more you remember, the more you think like yourself, the deeper the new patterns will be worn into your mind. It will take time, and much pain, and you will never be cured.”

“But I’m already better than I was.” Bucky did his best to put all the overwhelming gratitude he felt into his eyes and voice. “Thank you. God, thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever owed this much to anyone in my life, combined.”

That earned him a faint smile. “I know what it is to be thought of as a weapon. Besides. If you’re going to be staying anywhere near me, I’d rather not have to live through visions of your torture all the time. At least this way, you’ve stopped screaming so loudly in my head.”

“What about the command protocols?” He remembered Zola turning him against Peggy, and he never wanted anything like that to happen ever again.

“I couldn’t remove them, they’re buried too deeply, but I scrambled them,” she assured him. “Now, nobody knows what they are, so they won’t be able to use them.”

“Nobody except you,” he pointed out, not sure he was entirely okay with that even if she had just helped him at great expense to herself.

Her smile was much wider this time, and her eyes flared red again. “I wouldn’t need them.”

Given what she’d just done to his head, that was probably true. Bucky decided there was no point in worrying about it. Steve obviously trusted her, and that was recommendation enough for Bucky. “Fair enough.”

“Why don’t I get Maximoff back to her rooms to rest,” Romanoff suggested. “The three of you have some catching up to do, I think.”

“Natasha...” Steve looked at her, uncertain, and she smiled back at him.

“Don’t stress it, Steve. You can fill me in later. You guys deserve to celebrate a little.”

There was something going on there that Bucky didn’t understand, not yet. It bothered him, and made him glance down at Peggy for some reason - whatever was upsetting him was connected to her, he knew that, he just didn’t know what it _was_. 

This was going to be damned frustrating, he could tell already. It was like bits of him were fine, other bits were still HYDRA controlled, and the middle ground was lost in a fog. He really hoped Wanda was right that it would continue to get better with time.

Still, he made himself look back at his saviour for the moment. “If there’s ever anything you need, ask. If I can get it, it’s yours. I owe you.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Wanda promised him, then let Natasha help her out of the room.

When the door closed behind them, Bucky found himself standing awkwardly between Peggy and Steve. The shock and relief of earlier had worn off, and left him feeling adrift and hesitant. His head still hurt whenever he looked at Steve - well, hurt more, because it had never really stopped throbbing after whatever Wanda had done to him.

“Now what?” he asked, using gruffness to cover his uncertainty.

Peggy closed the distance between them and reached for his flesh hand, and he gave it to her willingly. Her skin felt so soft and delicate against his, and the heat of her seeped into him from the point of connection between them. He wrapped his fingers around hers, careful of his strength, and she smiled up at him.

She was so beautiful. He lifted his other hand to trace his thumb over her cheek, the warmth of her even more obvious against the metal. His left arm was always cooler than the rest of his body, to keep the electronics and mechanical parts inside from overheating, but the technical reasons didn’t much matter at the moment. It was the contrast that fascinated him.

At the first touch she looked startled and wary, and for an awful second he thought she was going to be afraid of him. Then she tilted her head to rest her cheek against his palm, and everything was okay again.

Steve was saying something, but Bucky honestly wasn’t processing anything except the way Peggy looked and felt and smelled. Pleasure, physical pleasure, was something HYDRA had taken from him a long time ago. The interactions they’d allowed him with Peggy over the years had been innocent because he hadn’t known any better. Now with Wanda’s help old instincts were rising within him, and he remembered the addicting taste of her mouth against his.

He wanted absolutely nothing more at that moment than to taste her again. So he did.

She made a startled noise, but kissed him back willingly. Bucky lost himself in the sensations, drowning in the best possible way. The heat that had started unfurling within him at her touch sparked a much larger fire inside, and unlike the burn in his mind he was more than willing to allow this flame to consume him.

He released her hand and dropped his to her waist, tugging her nearer. He wasn’t satisfied until she was so close that he could feel every inch of her body against his. The sweet, lush curve of her breasts rubbed against his chest, and he cursed the interference of the clothes between them. He wanted to feel _her_ , properly.

Well, there was an easy way to deal with that. He slid his hand beneath the hem of her top and started to push upwards, trailing his fingers over the silky skin of her back, tracing the ridges of her spine.

“That’s, uh... you know what? I think I’ll leave you guys to it,” he distantly heard Steve say. “I’ll just... go wait for you. Somewhere else.”

A tiny part of Bucky was nagging at him, reprimanding him for ignoring his friend, but he told it firmly to go to Hell. Steve would still be there later, he knew that much for certain. Right now it was Peggy he wanted, _needed_ to concentrate on. He’d been waiting to do this for so God damned long, even if he hadn’t consciously known at the time what he was waiting for.

“Please,” he murmured against her mouth, when he finally had to come up for air. “Please, Peggy, God...”

“Yes,” she answered, just as breathless as he was. “It’s all right. Whatever you need, darling.”

Bucky wasn’t even certain what exactly he’d been asking for, and he wasn’t sure she knew either. That she’d given him permission to do anything he wanted made his heart squeeze, and he vowed to himself that he would never abuse that selfless, giving nature of hers.

In the end he had to drop the hand cupping her face in order to get a good enough grip on the tight, stretchy top to remove it. He was delighted to find she wore nothing beneath it. God he loved modern clothes. She gasped and arched into him when he slid his right hand up to cover one breast, tweaking her nipple.

His body pretty much wanted him to shove her to the floor, rip her pants off, and rut into her, but with every touch and taste more memories were returning of how he was _supposed_ to do this. He needed to take care of her first, make sure she took her pleasure, because he had a feeling he wasn’t going to last long once he really got started.

So instead of throwing her down he sank to his knees, urging her to come with him. Once they made it that far he pushed her back gently, still kneading her breast with one hand. Now he was able to drop his mouth to her other breast, teeth closing briefly over the peak before he sucked and flicked his tongue over it.

Peggy was incredibly responsive, and she was making the most amazing noises as he touched her. Bucky hadn’t thought there was anything that could sound better than her singing, but apparently he’d been very wrong. He set to wringing as many sounds from her as he could, determined to do this right for her.

She was touching him, too, her hands running over his chest and deftly opening the buttons on his stolen jacket. Thankfully he hadn’t bothered with the body armour that was supposed to go beneath it, so once she had it open all she had to do was slip beneath his undershirt and her skin was on his at last. 

Pulling away reluctantly, he lifted himself just enough to shuck both jacket and shirt off. Her brown eyes were warm with arousal and appreciation as she admired the lines of his chest, fingers following the path of her eyes only moments later. Bucky shuddered as she pinched at his nipples in turn. 

It felt so God damned good to have her touch him, but if he let her continue he was going to forget his resolution to get her off, first. He hooked his thumbs over the waistband of her pants, making sure to catch the edges of her panties as well, and pulled them slowly off her. 

She was even more gorgeous naked, impossible as that seemed. Her pale skin was flushed with arousal, the dark triangle of curls at the apex of her thighs neatly trimmed and already glistening with wetness. 

This time when he leaned over to put his mouth on her he aimed considerably lower. He traced her navel with his tongue, biting at the taut flesh of her abdomen, then continued downwards. She threaded her hands through his hair, clinging like she needed the anchor or she would fall apart as his mouth reached her most intimate place.

She smelled amazing and tasted even better. Bucky was pretty sure he must have done this before with other girls, but he was equally sure he’d never enjoyed pleasuring anyone else quite this much. She cried out with every stroke of his tongue, repeating his name over and over, getting higher in pitch and volume each time.

When he pressed into her with two fingers the tight wet heat of her nearly made him lose control right then and there. He couldn’t let himself think about how she was going to feel around him or he really would embarrass himself. 

Writhing beneath his touch, she bucked her hips in jerky little motions that suggested she was trying to stop herself from moving and couldn’t. She pulled at him, trying to get him to come up again, but he refused to let her deter him from his mission.

At least, until he actually listened to what she was saying. “Please, Bucky, please, God, _please_ I need you I need you I need you…”

There was no way in Hell he could deny her when she begged so beautifully. He lifted his mouth and she cried out even though she’d just been pleading with him to do exactly that. Surging to his knees, he fumbled with his belt and cursed when the buckle didn’t immediately give way beneath his shaking fingers. Gripping the strip of leather with his left hand, he ripped it free and tossed it aside. 

Her hands were busy at his fly, making him groan each time she brushed against his length, and he barely managed to get his pants pushed past his hips before she was urging him down against her again.

He lined himself up and pushed inside her with one deep thrust, and she felt just as fucking incredible around him as he’d known she would. Bucky didn’t think he could have stopped now if his life depended on it. He was rougher than he knew he should have been, his pace too fast and hard, but the moans she was making were anything but a protest.

Bracing himself just above her by leaning on his metal arm, he was able to cup her breast again and tease at the stiff nipple. She caught him by the back of the neck and pulled him down for a fierce kiss, panting against his mouth as her inner walls started to tighten. Her scream as she came was only somewhat muffled against his lips, and the sound was enough to push him over the edge as well.

If not for the pneumatics in his arm he’d have collapsed on her and probably crushed her. Instead he managed to hold himself steady above her, his chest just brushing her breasts, their bodies still connected in the most intimate way. Peggy had tipped her head back, opening up the line of her throat as she panted, and Bucky couldn’t resist tracing the smooth skin with his tongue.

“You’re incredible,” he murmured, shivering a little with the sheer awe of how much he loved her. “Fuck, Peggy.”

“Yes. That. Exactly that,” she agreed, somewhat incoherent. She gasped when he rolled his hips against her again, the motion gentle this time. Her eyes went wide as she felt him still hard inside her. “You must be joking. Bucky, wait!”

He froze, because he would never do anything she didn’t want him to, but he was hurt and confused by the command. She must have seen it in his eyes, because she kissed him briefly before pulling back to smile at him. “At least let’s go somewhere more comfortable before we start again,” she suggested. 

Blinking, he looked around and really considered their surroundings for the first time. The gym was a big room, kept cool because the people in it were supposed to be working hard and sweating. They’d certainly done that, but he could see goose bumps rising on her skin as the chill air blew over her. 

The mat they were on was better than bare floor, but still not all that pleasant to lie or kneel on. And they were in a public area, which probably accounted for the way her cheeks were bright pink as she watched him look around. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he blurted out as he withdrew from her. “I didn’t…”

“It’s all right,” she assured him, sitting up and reaching out to trace his jaw with her fingers. “I’d say we had more than enough excuse to get carried away. The first time! A second round would be a bit much.”

Grateful that she wasn’t upset with him for not thinking, he turned his head and kissed her palm before he moved away to reach for his clothes. 

It didn’t take them long to dress, though it might have gone faster if Bucky hadn’t stopped to kiss her every so often. He couldn’t help himself, he just needed keep touching her to believe that this was all real. He still kept expecting to wake up in a HYDRA facility between one blink and the next. 

Once they were more or less presentable, Peggy caught his hand in hers and led him to the door. When she pushed it open, however, she stopped short and her eyes went wide. “Steve! Oh my God… when you said you’d wait I didn’t think you meant right outside!”

Steve was leaning against the wall across from the doors, facing away with his arm braced against the wall and head on his wrist, but he turned quickly when Peggy called his name. His face was bright red and he didn’t seem to want to meet their eyes. 

“It’s a public room, Peg,” Steve said gruffly. “The door doesn’t lock. I figured you wouldn’t want anyone interrupting you, so…”

“Oh. Yes. That’s… that’s very considerate. Thank you.” Peggy was rapidly turning the same colour as Steve, and she couldn’t seem to get her words out in a complete sentence.

Embarrassment, Bucky realized after a moment. They were both horribly embarrassed. From where Steve was standing he’d have been able to hear every sound they made. Cataloguing his friend’s hoarse voice, somewhat ragged breathing, and the state of his body, Bucky amended his conclusion. Not just embarrassed, but aroused. 

Steve had been listening, it turned him on, and he was shamed by it. Peggy could _tell_ he’d been listening and that it turned him on, and she was shamed by it as well.

The awkward way neither of them would look at each other triggered another flash of memories in Bucky’s mind. Steve. And Peggy. Steve-and-Peggy. He remembered watching them slip away from the barracks or campsites, stealing just a few minutes together whenever they got a chance. He remembered being glad that Steve had _finally_ found a dame who was willing to look past the surface to see the fucking amazing guy Bucky had always known. 

Peggy was Steve’s girl. What in God’s name had he just done?

And yet, it was his hand Peggy was clinging to, and Steve sure as Hell didn’t seem inclined to punch Bucky out for taking liberties with his girl. Liberties, fuck, that didn’t even begin to cover it. 

“You guys might want to take the service halls back to your room,” Steve suggested. “People are gonna be twitchy for a while until they get used to the idea of you being here, Buck. And, uh…” He finally looked at them briefly, but his gaze flicked away again almost as soon as he did, and he fixed his eyes on the corner where the wall met the ceiling. “You’re not exactly looking your best right now.”

In other words they looked like they’d just had sex, Bucky silently interpreted. He was grateful for the warning, because it wouldn’t have occurred to him. The last thing he wanted was to drag Peggy through public hallways and embarrass her further. Bad enough Steve had seen her this way.

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Peggy said, a bit too enthusiastic in an attempt to cover her obvious discomfort with the discussion. “We’ll just do that then. And, er, we’ll see you at dinner?”

“Yeah. At dinner,” Steve agreed hastily. “Sounds good. You two go ahead.”

Peggy tugged on Bucky’s hand, moving back into the gym and letting the door close behind her. She was biting her lip so hard Bucky was surprised it wasn’t bleeding, and her whole face was still bright red. 

Struggling to sort through his conflicted feelings about this new slew of memories, Bucky was silent as she led him up to her quarters. Peggy was Steve’s. But Peggy was with him. Because they’d thought Steve was dead. Now Steve wasn’t dead. Did that mean Peggy should be with him, or Steve?

‘Complicated’ didn’t even begin to describe how Bucky felt about the whole mess.

“I fucked up again, didn’t I?” he said the moment the door to her suite closed behind them. 

Peggy looked up at him, clearly startled. “What? Why would you say that?”

He caught her left hand in his right, tracing his thumb over the place where her wedding and engagement rings had once sat. Her blush had slowly faded during the walk, but now her cheeks flooded pink again as she realized what he meant.

“I messed things up with you and Sousa, and now I’ve done it again with you and Steve,” Bucky elaborated anyway. “I didn’t even think. I’m so damned sorry, Peg.”

“Don’t be. You haven’t done anything wrong,” she insisted. “ _Neither_ of us has done anything wrong, because Steve and I aren’t together.”

“What? Why the Hell not?” Bucky was baffled. A blind man could have seen that the two of them were still in love. Peggy hadn’t been awake long, and God knew Steve might be the worst person he’d ever known for dragging his feet about that sort of thing, but surely he wouldn’t have just left Peggy hanging.

“For one thing, it’s been several years for both of us,” Peggy pointed out, squeezing his fingers and putting her other hand at his waist, drawing him closer. “We’ve both moved on. I had Daniel, and now you. He has someone as well.”

“Romanoff,” Bucky realized. That’s what had been upsetting him earlier, because Steve had been looking at the other woman the way he used to look at Peggy.

Except, it was still the way he looked at Peggy. And the way she looked at Steve. “You still love him, though.”

“Of course I do. I always will. You’re not going to hold that against me, I hope?” She raised an eyebrow at him, her expression tart, but he could see the worry in her eyes.

Hold it against her? That she still loved Steve? How could he. He’d known that love was a part of her when he’d first fallen for her, during that month she’d tried so hard to help him. He just didn’t understand why she would choose him, battered and broken as he was, with all the horrible history that lay between them now. 

“No,” he said honestly, but it still bothered him. Not the way she meant, not jealousy, but a sense of something being off kilter with the world. “I only want you to be happy, more than anything. He made you happy, I remember. We already know I don’t.”

“That was an entirely different situation,” Peggy said. “You’ve had more than a year away from HYDRA’s control this time, and now you’ve got Wanda to help you as well.”

She wrapped her hand around his neck and tugged him down for a kiss, and he went willingly. There was no way he would ever not want to kiss her. “I love _you_ ,” she said when she pulled away, and her voice was so firm he had to believe her. “We’ve been through Hell and back together, and you’d bloody well better believe I intend to make the most of this chance we’ve finally been given.”

“I love you,” he told her with just as much force, kissing her again and dropping her hand so he could grab her hips and pull her right off her feet, bracing her against him. He carried her into the bedroom without ever lifting his mouth, and they tumbled onto the mattress in a sprawl of clinging limbs.

All he could do now was enjoy the time he had with her, hope she didn’t change her mind at some point, and pray that it wouldn’t mean Steve would be upset with him.


End file.
